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There are Sharks in the Waters

I recently went on a short cruise to the Bahamas with my family.  It was girls only cruise so it was my mom, my sister, her seven year old daughter, my sister-in-law, her three year old daughter, and me. Since my parents grew up with The Great Depression and WWII looming in their rear view mirror, they started saving money for their retirement somewhere in their late teens. Old habits like reading library books by  candlelight give them room to treat their family to fun vacations.  We would gladly pay our own way , or better yet, treat Mom and Dad to fun vacations, but alas, my sister, brother, and I had nothing more inspiring than MTV and Magnum P.I. looming in our own rear view mirrors. Hence, most of the money we save goes to paying last month’s cable bill.    Couple financial resources with the fact that grandchildren came rather late in our family and you have two little girls who some might call spoiled.  We shy away from this word tho...
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The Day the Birds Cometh

What Does Love Got to do With it? "For this was on Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate." Geoffrey Chaucer, 1381 The above line, translated from Middle English, is the first recorded reference to a formal Valentine’s Day celebrated in England sometime during the month of May.  It is a line from a poem that commemorated the one year marital engagement of two 14 year olds, one of whom was Richard II who became King of England at age 10.  Chaucer, as you probably recollect from high school English, is best known for “The Canterbury Tales”, a collection of stories by a fictional group of townies who are waiting out the Black Plague in the country.  Who knew that this guy, the first to be interred in that great graveyard of great writers, The Poet’s Corner in Westminster Abbey, was responsible for the first Valentine?  A few centuries later, Guttenberg invented his printing press, the official date for Val...

Happy New Year A.K.A. How Pope Gregory Got it Wrong

The way I look at it, Pope Gregory XII, the promulgator of the 365 day calendar that much of the world has been using for over 400 years, got it wrong. The start of the new year shouldn't be recognized on January 1, but rather, sometime in September. Ahhh, September. The crispness of the air, the new clothes smell of students heading back to school, the injury free roster of a football team. If January 1 is known for hackneyed resolutions tinged with guilt, September should be known for that greatest of all human emotions: hope . September, when women everywhere step into department stores and see the garish miniscule togs of summer replaced with sensible wool and cotton, they will know hope . Bathing suits and nylon cap sleeved tee-shirts have been shoved into dark warehouses for another year. Just you wait and see, polyester's going to look fabulous on me by May, but for now, swathe me in yards of fleece, please. When Cam Newton leads his team out of ...

A Plate of Dull Food

I enjoy reading travel books about other countries. Not so much for the practical advice that I should be paying attention to, but for interesting cultural nuances. For example, according to Rick Steves, hitchhiking is very popular in Europe, but you don't stick your thumb out while trying to bum a ride, “you ring an imaginary bell.” My mind wanders, does he mean shaking an actual bell with your thumb and index finger, or pressing a doorbell? Another fascinating tidbit is, for “a plate of dull but nourishing food for an unbeatable price in the company of locals,” find a local institution like a church or city hall and pull up a chair. On the few occasions that I have traveled to Europe, the information I have collected is essentially useless. Since I have bored travel companions to the point of tears on the history of eels and mash, they assume I can answer basic questions like, “Is the Louvre open on Sundays?” I haven't the slightest idea, be...

Here Fluffy, Fluffy!

My Cat Beat Up Your Honor Roll Dog Of COURSE I am kidding... According to www.humanesociety.org, there are 78 million owned dogs and 86 million owned cats in the United States.  Owning two of each myself, my immediate reaction to these numbers is an inward shudder reflecting on how much poo that is. You know those commercials from the ASPCA asking for donations to help mistreated animals?  Of course you do.  Most people can only sit through a single complete viewing of one of these commercials, which feature close-ups of sad, crusty eyed dogs, gazing behind bars, before making the connection that Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Be There For You” and/or creepy piano notes equals change the channel immediately.  The geniuses responsible for these commercials should be hired by the Federal Government.  Can you imagine? A 45 second spot featuring a few Cocker Spaniels being forced to jump off the Fiscal Cliff to the strains of Whitney Houston’s “I Will...

Les Contented

                                                                           In 1862 Victor Hugo wrote a story about an ordinary guy with a cool name who is sent to prison for a minor crime but turns into a bad guy while serving his sentence.  When he is released from prison a couple of decades later, he remains a bad guy until he discovers religion and then becomes a really good guy. Surprisingly, it took Hugo 365 chapters to tell the same tale that some rappers belt out in three minutes.  Unsurprisingly, after writing all those words he came to the conclusion that less is more and scrawled The Miserable Ones on the title page. In the late 1970s the Tunisian lyricist Alain Boublil read Hugo’s book, and somewhere between Chapter 178 ( Pestilence and Pox ) and Chapter 301 ( Fresh Bl...

We've Come a Long Way Baby

When I was young, the cool chicks in movies...wait, there were no cool chicks. My niece has a poster of Disney's Belle on her bedroom wall. Now, I know Belle is classified as a princess but really, she's a regular girl whose favorite pastime is reading. I recall having a poster of Garfield and one from Raiders of the Lost Ark in my childhood room. Mary Ellen Walton wore overalls and lived on a mountain, Laverne and Shirley seemed to live a fun life, Wonder Woman kicked ass in her leotard, and Jo from The Facts of Life  drove a motorcycle.  But movies?  I really can't remember any girls at all. Can you? And don't give me Brooke Shields or young Jodie Foster.  I know Diane Keaton in Annie Hall was pretty cool, but I didn't see that movie until I was well into college.  The female leads from the 1970s that I remember most are Nurse Ratchet lobotomizing the sane and Linda Blair vomiting on a priest. Even with a few gender ...